Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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