"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
