It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
