I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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