what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Congratulations! We have a period
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
