haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
