I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
