I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
