OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We have started to decorate penises.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
