We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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