there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
