we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
