If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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