Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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