I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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