I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
