If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
