We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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