He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
