I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
