Everything about him screamed your future.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
