PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
