She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
