Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
