Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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