Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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