i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
