Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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