my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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