She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
