some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize