gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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