Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
