if you like me you must not know who I am
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
