It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
