Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
