never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
