he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
