Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Randomize
