Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
