Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
