Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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