are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
