Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
