I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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