There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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