Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
