I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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