I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
