why didn't you poke me back
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
