I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
